Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
