Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
