I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
