i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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