hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
