you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
