Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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