dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
