i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
