the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
