I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
