I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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