I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
did you just send me my own nude
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
