Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
ok first of all what the fuck
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
