I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sarcasm needs its own font
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
