I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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