You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
