Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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