If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
