did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
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Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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