are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
