Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
