We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
