yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
