That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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