Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
