Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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