You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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