You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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