is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
