This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
