I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
