Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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