i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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