the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
