Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
