Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
