I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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