so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
