I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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