Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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