I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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