it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Less talking, more tequila
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
