You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize