We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
