I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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