I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
