Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
