I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
