i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
