the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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