i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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