If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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