Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
