this boner is exhausting
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
