So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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