Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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