...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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