Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
