I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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