Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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