did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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