eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
