Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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