Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
