my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
