i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
