I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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