How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
