I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
