Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
