Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
