Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
