I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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