you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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